Beautiful... me?

Definition: 
Having beauty; having qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc. 


Today I was talking to my friend J.J. We talked about one of our mutual friends and then about summer plans. I told him about my worries of going to camp and how I thought no one would like me. This is our conversation from after I told him I was worried about no one liking me. 

11:43pmJ.J

no dont be because it would cost alot of money for me to come down and beat them up

well

if i took a bus it would be chearper

but it wont matter youll be fine

just be ur awsome self

11:44pmMe

thats the thing... i am not awesome and I am shy...

11:45pmJ,J

you worry to much thats ur problem go in the with an open mind and heart and youll be just fine

11:47pmMe

ya.. i tend to over think sometimes

11:48pmJ.J

your beutiful and smart

11:48pmMe

... no and no... neither of those can be said for me...

11:49pmJ.J

LOL you really need to look at yourself again because you are very much and you will do great things

you just need to believe in yourself

11:50pmMe

your too nice..

but i dont think i can believe in myself... at least not right now

11:51pmJ.J

come on do you have a mirror in your room

11:51pmMe

ya.

11:53pmJ,J

look at it and picture your self as someone beautiful inside not out

and now picture her but add a little personality like outgoing

and funny and smart

can you see her

11:56pmMe

no... but maybe i will one day.

11:56pmJ.J

whether you can or cant i want you to put aside your thoughts and worries and disbelief's and become her become that inward beauty the kind that doesn't care for people who make fun of her

you need to start believing.

 I am glad we talked... I felt a lot better then I did before... And I learned some pretty cool things about him... plus he said if anyone was mean to me he would fly out to  my camp and beat them up. 

Anyway... it got me thinking about the definition of beauty and the worlds perspective of beauty. It is so different. The worlds views are scene more and are harsher than the true meaning of beauty. 

Just a thought,

Stargirl

Family

Yesterday I got angry at my brother. It bothered me because I look up to him and I find it so easy to be mad at him. I don't know why. I think it is because you know your family will always love you. I don't know what to do sometimes. I am still trying to figure things out.

I feel like my younger siblings hate me and go to my older brother more than me. I ask them to play with me or to talk to me or ask them for help and they immediatly say no... If my older brother asks them anything, they do it. I feel like I am a monster and am unwanted.

I shouldnt be writing this because I am going away for a month and I will miss them... but I needed to get it out.

Love,
Stargirl

Another Day...

I saw two out of three of my school friends today... the friend I didn't see? C.b... and I hate to say it, but I miss him. Yesterday while at Lil'Z and with my friend Pocahontas I tackled them when I saw them... I was so excited and I missed them and it had only been a week! And next week I am going to camp and wont be back for a month!

Me and my friends from school ( Lil'Z+Pocahontas) had a mini camp out/ sleepover. It was extremely fun...
I arrived fashionably late... and hour late to be exact, but my friends quickly forgave me when they saw the cookies I had brought :)
cookies go a long way in friendship.

We had fun, talking about boys, summer plans and party's. We did mini makeovers including hair and make-up and  had a photo shoot. They asked me questions about dating ( I can't date until I am 16) and I am now very worried to go on a date. They will be waiting... and they will dress me up and will most likely scare away all the guys... And of course that's if any guys like me.. which I doubt sometimes. I am not pretty and whatnot... and I don't do anything...

After a breakfast of waffles and eggs that I never finished, we went to the school to pick up our exam marks. We took a "shortcut" through the "woods" although I am pretty sure the "shortcut" was longer then the direct route... and the "woods" was a trail along a line of trees. We arrived late and split up to get our marks. We decided to meet back at the tables by the front of the school to exchange grades and to either laugh over how easy the course was or to cry over our bad marks.  Well... my science mark was bad. I didn't fail the exam, but I didn't do well either.  On my English exam, I got  90% and I got a 95% on my summative. And my art summative is an 80something% . I was mad about my grades, but I will just have to try harder next year in math and science and keep up my other grades like English... I can do it!

I got home, and watched part of Oceans 11 while organizing papers for my mother. Then I had to go get my sister from school and here I am writing this. Wait! I forgot to tell you I got a new camera and I found out how to change the settings and use it. There is even a sketch setting that is really cool.

I am sorry this post is so long, but I had a long eventful day.... and it's not over yet! I am going to see the midnight showing of Eclipse with my friends Hot Stuff, her sister Lil'B and EllenD.

Stargirl

A BIG MISTAKE

Can anyone be trusted anymore?
In my mind, I doubt it.

I have made a big mistake... it started off as a tiny mistake but it is really, really big! I am now in trouble of loosing my best friend and I have no idea how to explain anything to her, and it started with this blog... and a friend who I thought I could trust... but apparently you can't trust anyone!

Now... I am hoping I do not die Monday night when I see my friend.