Bad Hair Days

Its been a while since I've written. I haven't wanted to write in a long time, but as I am sitting here in the library, I think it's time to start writing again.

In case you missed the news, it's 2015.

The year so far has been crazy, with so many new things happening. I feel like I've really had to get out of my comfort zone in this past month, and while I still like to stay within my bubble I feel like I am growing and flourishing and honestly it scares me just a little bit.

I go to a singles ward. I always swore I would never do it but I decided this past summer to give it a chance and I am happily surprised by how much I am liking it.

I have a calling, in the stake institute committee, I love it. I love the institute and seminary programs, and I like how it isn't as big as on the USU campus. The small group setting works well for me.

I started classes at USU and that just a big bowl of melancholy.  I like being back in school, I like learning and I've missed that in the past year- but getting back into it is harder than I thought it would be. I have five classes. There are a few of them that I really like, and a few I wish I could do without, but life would be too easy if I liked all my classes. And we wouldn't want my life to be too easy now.

I'm trying to think of other things that are new. I have a friend. Actually I have friends. Plural, as in many. Or a few. Still more than one, which is exceptionally well for the girl who wouldn't talk to the cafeteria ladies for the first year of high school. 

I think that's all that's new within the last few months...

And now on to my title (yes, it actually has a point to it). I am having a bad hair day; a sign I am taking as an omen to mean the whole day is going to be bad. Already I have had one exam, and I am pretty sure I didn't do so hot on that, and now I am sitting in the library freezing because me being me I didn't bring a jacket, just my light hoodie.

You are probably thinking that this cant possibly be that bad. It is. Well it FEELS that bad. I am sure it can't possibly be that bad, except that my hair really is that bad. My hair looks like I've been living in the jungle for weeks: sleeping on the ground,  running wildly through trees, and having heart attacks every time I see bugs or snakes. No lie. But I was running late this morning even through I was actually super early to class (don't ask) and I really just didn't want to deal with it so I threw a headband in my hair and have decided to avoid mirrors for the entire day, which so far has not been successful, but I am working on it.

This shouldn't be a surprise, I've been waiting for this to happen. Sunday and Monday were just too good of days and I was super happy and I knew it couldn't possibly last a third day. That would have just been too easy, and as I've said, we wouldn't possibly want my life to be easy. 

And now I am just being really dramatic.

 Smile 

It'll be fine.

It always is.

[:

Beautiful

I have had a lot of problems with my self image. Doubts would come to mind when looking in the mirror and I would wonder why I couldn't be pretty. Over the past years, that view has changed. I have changed the way I see myself, and the way others see me. It doesn't mean I don't still have bad mornings, where nothing fits and I feel like the ugliest girl in the world. The truth is, I realized that there are much more important things than the way you look, dress, or style your hair. 

It helped being pulled out of school and doing online classes. Ten years of being bullied by my peers had left a mark. I found my salvation those years in books, and a lot of pretending that words and taunts didn't effect me. The one thing I can say is that being stubborn pays off sometimes. I was never willing to change myself to fit in. I didn't care what the media said or what the Barbie girls had to say- I wasn't going to do it.  Instead I looked toward heroines in my favorite stories and the qualities that made them such great characters. I stayed away from the wayward villains and the vanity of silly characters and focused on the heroine.

On a side note, there are some great books every girl should read:

• North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell
• Emma by Jane Austen
• Little Women by Luisa May Alcott
• All's Fair in Love, War, and High School by Janette Rallison
• Matilda, Ronald Dahl
• Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte.

Let me get back to the point, I have had my fair share of problems when it comes to my self image and self esteem. However, I have been working on changing that and being comfortable as me. I don't think I realized how far I have come in this until the other day.  On Facebook, two of my friends did a challenge and then challenged me to dot the same. The challenge was simple: add five (5) pictures of yourself that made you feel beautiful.  I posted these five:

 

 

 

Only in one of five of these pictures had I done my hair and makeup. In the other four pictures I was dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, no makeup, and hair down and messy. In three of the pictures I was volunteering. In one picture I was with my sister, and talking on Skype with my family. In one I was happily getting ready for the day, and cheesily dancing around my room. I wasn't posed, I wasn't dressed perfectly, and I am happy in all of them.

 

I didn't need to be in makeup, or have my hair brush to notice the beauty. Each picture has a special memory that makes me grin. None of it was planned. I was merely enjoying life.

 

I think that is true beauty. Doing things that make you smile, and enjoying yourself. Smiling, and not scowling. Loving life. Loving what you do, and what you are. Who you are. Being confident, being carefree, being loving. Who you are shows, and if it's a good quality, it adds to your beauty. It's not about makeup and hair and having the perfect clothes. It's about being a good person and having good virtues and letting that shine through. Be beautiful from the inside out, not the outside in. This goes for all you guys too.

 

Girls, you are beautiful. Guys, you are handsome. Show it, shine. Go for it.

I'm Back!

I realize it has been a long time since the last post. I do not have an excuse, I just didn't write.  Writing is a power. I didn't realize this when I started my blog years ago, then it was just a way to write out my random thoughts and day-to-day ramblings. It wasn't meaningful. But then, living in Peru for a year, I started a second blog only dedicated to life in Peru, and mostly to the orphanage. Suddenly I realized how much I could make a difference by what I wrote. I could share with others valuable lessons I learned and influence them to think outside of their day-to-day lives.

Now I am home in Utah, and I realize I am still learning things about myself and the world. Things that matter and are important to me as a human. Because being human is more about others than about myself.

I can't promise never to ramble or add stupid stuff that is pointless, because lets face it, sometimes we need silly and stupid and pointless in our lives. It balances out the responsibility we have, the darkness we face, and the  frowns we waste.  Everything has it's place, as long as there is balance.

I am 19 and loving life. I have so much to learn and so much to teach. I realize that learning includes hardships, and that's okay. I know that I need to teach others because as a person I can make a difference. I don't need to change the world to make a difference- because you never know how far one ripple will go.

So here I go.

What?

It's Monday and I am sitting here listening to Pandora. Can I say I love WiTopia and the ability to make it look like we are in the US so we can use xfinity and pandora and other really cool things.
It's days like this when I realize how many first class problems I have. Like the printer not working. I doubt half the kids in Peru even know what a printer is. 

Anyways, this didn't really have a purpose. I've been spending some time volunteering. Check it out at my other blog. justdarcie-inperu.blogspot.com

Peace,
Darcie